Glorfindel: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by insert pseudonym
Summary: The guide for that loveable, but oft neglected Elven Lord: Glorfindel.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything, it's Tolkien's.

A/N: This is a spin off from the most talented Theresa Green's Owner's Guides and Maintenance Manuals and who has been so kind as to allow me to post this.

*** **CONGRATULATIONS!** ***

You are now the proud owner of GLORFINDEL! In order to get the full benefits of having an Elf Lord in your home, please read this manual fully before opening the crate.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATION**

Name: _Glorfindel_

Type: _Eldarin (male)_

Manufacturers: _House of the Golden Flower Ltd._

Date of Manufacture: _Unknown (pre first age)_

Height: _6 feet 3 inches_

Weight: _195 lbs_

**ACCESSORIES**

Your GLORFINDEL comes equipped with accessories for the Elven Lord who travels light:

(a) An ASFALOTH MK I Model, for swift and easy travel

(b) Gemmed headstall

(c) Saddle with bells

(d) Cloak and hood

(e) Silver-studded leather flask containing tasteless, but energy invigorating liquor

(f) And of course, the necessary Elven hair care products to keep his golden hair shimmering and flowing in the wind.

*** CAUTION *** It is not uncommon for the GLORFINDEL model to call out "Ai na vedui Dúnadan! Mae govannen!" when you first unpack your unit from his crate. Do not be alarmed. If this occurs greet your GLORFINDEL in a similar fashion and in a kindly manner educate him as to your actual name.

**OPERATING PROCEDURE**

Your GLORFINDEL is not only a lovely decoration for your home but can be utilized for many handy activities including: riding out in search of wayward Hobbits, tending to the injured, loaning his horse to those in need and revealing his wrath to frighten off any pesky Nazgûl who might be wandering in the vicinity of your home.

Search and Rescue Unit:

Your GLORFINDEL model is highly proficient in riding out alone in search of lost Hobbits. This function can easily be adapted to recover lost pets or family members. And for recreational purposes: hide and seek.

Bodyguard:

Your GLORFINDEL is not only one of the mighty of the Eldar in the Third Age, but an Elf-lord of a house of princes. And your GLORFINDEL model is not the least bit afraid of Ringwraiths. So, having to deal with tax collectors, solicitors and door-to-door salesman can now be a thing of the past. He also makes a good escort late at night when about the town.

***CAUTION*** Though not as well known as the LEGOLAS MK I and LEGOLAS MK 2 models, there is a chance of fangirl mobbing and precautions should be made and alternate escape routs planned.

Martial instructor:

Being an Elf-lord who led forces that routed out Angmar, your GLORFINDEL unit is proficient in melee fighting and highly adept in the use of a number of weapons and would be more than happy to instruct you.

Cook:

As with most male Eldar, your GLORFINDEL loves to cook. Especially with his reduced activities, now that he is installed in your home, he might cook more food than anyone in your household can eat. If this becomes a problem consider opening a restaurant. Note: with the slight variations from model to model your unit might not cook at all.

Painkiller:

Your GLORFINDEL can be used to as a masseuse and can relieve the pain of bumps, bruises and cuts at the touch of his fingertips.

**CLEANING**

Your GLORFINDEL model, being a High Elf and Lord, does not require frequent cleansing, but creature comforts when not out in the wilds are much appreciated and thorough instruction to the operation of your shower is required. Feel free to join your GLORFINDEL to help further instruct him in proper bathing procedures. Most owners of GLORFINDEL units find that orange or strawberry salt scrubs are popular and are a potential favorite for your own GLORFINDEL and a good supply should be on hand. You'll find your GLORFINDEL to have softer and smoother skin than when first unpacked. To keep his hair shinning, don't forget to use the Elven hair care products that came with your unit.

Owners of GLORFINDEL models also find their skin improved as your unit is very proficient in the application of scrubs, various oils and lotions to those owners who give regular lessons in bathing.

Once showered, wrap your GLORFINDEL in a large towel (or small, depending on owner preference) and gently buff dry. DO NOT use a blow dryer on hair. This can trigger your GLORFINDEL to go into a wrathful, protective mode and your dryer might be irreparably damaged before your unit can be properly soothed into his default behavioral mode. If you can get your unit used to the noise and heat of your hair dryer feel free to use it. But it is recommended to towel dry your GLORFINDEL as your unit has done so for uncountable centuries.

Carefully comb hair from tip to root and braid in your unit's preferred fashion.

Once bathing is complete dress him in his still pristine traveling clothes. Feel free to purchase more modern clothing from a local retailer. Note: acceptance of said clothing depends on your model's tastes and the style and quality of clothing. Clothes bought direct from the manufacturer are generally preferred by GLORFINDEL units and can easily be purchased through a catalogue or online at - www.goldenflower.uk/apparel

**PRECAUTIONS**

If you engage in the nocturnal tango with your GLORFINDEL unit, whether in the shower, the back garden or under the dinning room table, do not allow your GLORFINDEL unit within sight of your boyfriend or spouse. This can cause your unit to go into the grieving mode that is most unbecoming to the unit and can even cause death. Or, in rare cases, can trip your unit into a jealous wrathful mode and all weapons should be hidden from your unit to prevent said boyfriend/spouse from having pointy objects brandished at them.

It is highly recommended that those owners who have said significant others forgo such activities with their GLORFINDEL units as it is detrimental to the health of your unit and your relationship with your significant other.

**COMPATIBILITY**

Your GLORFINDEL is compatible and friendly to almost all other units. If units who frequent your area are set on SLASH mode and your GLORFINDEL unit is not, expect fistfights and general conflict to occur.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

**Q:** The first night after I received my GLORFINDEL model I found that he glowed and shimmered in the dark. Is this normal?

**A:** Every GLORFINDEL is a High Elf who dwelt in the Undying Lands, so still glows with the lingering light of the Two Trees. After a time most owners find this feature very becoming and as a nightlight prevents stubbed toes when getting up in the middle of the night. If you find you do not like this feature then forgo bathing your GLORFINDEL to develop a layer of light blocking dirt. Note: this will take some time and is usually met with much opposition, as most ELF units prefer to keep very clean.

**Q:** My neighbor has a FRODO unit and whenever near my GLORFINDEL picks him up and looks at him with grave anxiety and will not put him down till he has examined the FRODO unit's shoulder. Should I worry about this?

**A:** This is normal behavior, but can be prevented by informing your GLORFINDEL that FRODO is in no danger and is well taken care of by your neighbor. If this does not work threaten to restrict his privileges as mentioned in the answer to the next question.

**Q:** My GLORFINDEL unit often puts FRODO on his ASFALOTH and calls out "noro lim, noro lim, Asfaloth!" and the ASFALOTH unit will gallop off and it takes hours to find them and bring them back. My neighbor and I are getting tired of this. What can I do?

**A:** This is also normal unit behavior. To prevent this inform your GLORFINDEL that there are no Nazgûl in the vicinity and if that fails inform him he will no longer be able to cook, ride his ASFALOTH unit or join you in the shower. This should stop all further instances of this behavior.

**Q:** My GLORFINDEL is very cheerful, but lately has become sullen. What is wrong? 

**A:** This usually occurs with owners who only have the GLORFINDEL unit and no others. Though most ELF units can be solitary for a time they need exposure to friends and male companions. Consider purchasing a compatible unit to keep your unit company. Or try renting an ARAGORN unit for a few days and let them talk and go on yikes. Your GLORFINDEL should return to his normal behavioral mode. To prevent this from occurring again, rent an ARAGORN periodically or the ELROND and ERESTOR models so your GLORFINDEL can engage in lordly activities such as planning the proper running and defense of your household and the disposal of pesky demonic semi-sentient jewel that a FRODO unit might have left in your house.

**TROUBLE SHOOTING**

**Problem:** When preparing for an evening at the theater or opera house it is common for your GLORFINDEL unit to suggest throwing your jewelry into the depths or sending it over the sea. Owners find it difficult to get to these events on time and often find most of their rings in the bathtub upon return.

**Solution:** Rent a GANDALF unit to talk some sense into your GLORFINDEL and you should have no further problems.

**Problem:** GLORFINDEL units are apt to ride out on ASFALOTH and leave for days at a time. Often returning with several Hobbits and Men with disreputable appearances.

**Solution:** There is no way to prevent this behavior other than locking up ASFALOTH or disposing of the unit all together. Both are very detrimental to your GLORFINDEL's emotional mode. It is best to let this behavior continue and enjoy the perks of the extra testosterone in your house. Put your guests to work with repairs, gardening and cooking and reap the benefits.

**Problem:** Your GLORFINDEL can exhibit odd behaviors like running around your house, mostly on top of furniture, shouting and brandishing a sword at a very large nonexistent foe. This behavior is coupled with rapid changes to shouting oaths at the Witch King who, thankfully, isn't there.

**Solution:** Your GLORFINDEL is stuck in a loop where GONDOLIN and THIRD AGE modes are trying to become the dominant mode. Most GLORFINDEL units are set in THIRD AGE mode. This malfunction requires drastic measures to fix. A swift knock on the head with a blunt instrument often works, but your GLORFINDEL unit is dangerous at this time and the retailer should be immediately contacted and a special taskforce of ELROND, GILDOR, ECTHELION and TURGON units will be sent to your house to subdue your GLORFINDEL. This will incur a fee, but the response units are yours for the rest of the day.

**Problem:** GLORFINDEL units are highly reactionary and volatile to ARWEN MK II units. And if there is one close by your unit will often hide their ASFALOTH in your bedroom and will attack anything that comes near.

**Solution:** There is not much you can do other than request your neighbor to get a MK I ARWEN or keep your units out of each other's sight. The best solution, however, is to purchase a MK II ASFALOTH and give it to your neighbor. Your GLORFINDEL will no longer fear theft and the behavior will stop.

**Problem:** Your GLORFINDEL, upon entering your home, riffles through your jewelry box and begins to hoard shiny objects under your bed. And exhibits these behaviors: hostile to strangers, malevolence and distrust towards Dwarves and requests wine and large meals on a regular basis. 

**Solution:** You have accidentally been issued a THRANDUIL model. With time any unwanted behavior can be changed, but if you still desire a GLORFINDEL model please return the THRANDUIL unit to the distributor and request an exchange.

**Problem:** Upon unpacking, your GLORFINDEL unit is not what you expected. Hair is not nearly long or golden enough and has few to no accessories and is wearing long brownish robes. 

**Solution:** You have been sent the rare MK II GLORFINDEL © New Line Cinema. This unit had a limited release and has been discontinued. It can be sold on E-Bay or returned the New Line for a reward. You will of course be compensated for the mix up and a GLORFINDEL unit will be shipped to you a.s.a.p.

**FINAL NOTE - GUARANTY**

Your GLORFINDEL has an Elven Lifetime guaranty with an extended 50,000-month warranty. During which time you can exchange your GLORFINDEL for a new one in case of malfunctions or a different unit entirely as your preference changes.

NOTE: If there are any ELROND or GALADRIEL units nearby your GLORFINDEL will feel compelled to sail over the sea with them. Should this occur you, will get a discount on your next purchase.

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This would have been posted a couple months ago, but ff.net would not upload my documents completely. I give my profuse thanks to Theresa Green for helping me in this matter.  
  
Feel free to read the originals if you have not already. The url will be on my profile page.  
  
All mistakes and typos are my own, please excuse them.


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